Stay Off The Sidewalks

Those folks at the DPS office have no sense of humor. I went to renew my driver's license. You know what that means... Stay off the sidewalks! I guess they've heard that one before. They didn't think that was very funny.

I'm always a little nervous when I have to go renew my license. The DPS wasn't too keen on the idea of giving me a license in the first place. It took quite a bit of persuasion to get them to give me a chance, but they finally agreed. I passed my driving test on the first try, and I've had my freedom ever since.

The crew at Pampa's DPS office is much friendlier than Amarillo's office. The clerk was very helpful in getting things set up for me, and I didn't even have to wait in a long line like Amarillo's DPS usually has.

I hate trying to look into that machine for the eye test. I read the numbers just fine with my right eye, but some of the numbers looked smaller with my left eye. It worked out all right, though. The clerk couldn't understand me anyway. I just mumbled some numbers, and she said, "OK, that's good enough!"

Then, it was time to take the picture. It probably didn't help that I backed into the wall with my scooter when I was lining up in front of the camera. She said, "I hope you drive better than that." My picture looks like one of those scary celebrity mug shots you see on TV. I think DPS takes bad pictures on purpose.

I try to be a careful driver. I've had only one accident in the 15 years that I've been on the road, and I've never had a speeding ticket. On my way to work in Amarillo, I used to see Kojak with his Kodak sitting on the side of the road trying to catch speeders headed into downtown. He pulled me over once, but he just gave me a warning.

That reminds me of something that happened to my cousin. He was stopped on the highway for speeding one time. The officer walked up to the car and said, "Son, I've been waiting on you all day." Then, my cousin replied, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!" The officer laughed and let him go with a warning.

I'm relieved that my license was renewed, and I got my new one in the mail last week. Next time, I'll be able to renew it online. That means I won't have to go back to the DPS to renew it in person for 12 years. So, until then, stay off the sidewalks!