Happy Existence Day

Happy Existence Day! That must be the new politically correct way students in some New York City schools say 'Happy birthday.' These NYC schools banned the word 'birthday.' Also banned on school tests are words like 'slavery,' 'dinosaur,' 'Halloween,' 'dancing' (except when talking about ballet), and 'computer.'

This sounds like some kind of skit from "Saturday Night Live," but it's real. I'm not making it up.

The NYC Department of Education claims it is just looking out for the feelings of its students. It says dinosaurs call to mind evolution, which might upset fundamentalists; birthdays aren’t celebrated by Jehovah’s Witnesses; and Halloween suggests paganism. I say, GET OVER IT!!

The department says some kids might "feel bad" because they can't afford a computer at home. Awww! How sad! Maybe these kids could sell their i-pods, cell phones, mp3 players and CD players to buy a computer. Seriously, who DOESN'T have a computer these days?

If schools ban the word 'slavery,' they're actually eliminating historical facts just because a word might offend someone. And the word 'birthday'? Everyone has a birthday.... whether Jehovah's (False) Witnesses want to celebrate it or not.

But, you know, this got me to thinking. There are some words that I wished were banned when I was in school. The word 'homework,' for example. That word really made me feel bad because it meant I actually had to study instead of watching TV. How could the school do that to me?!

I also think schools should ban the letter 'D' as a grade. Kids might think 'D' stands for 'Dummy,' and it would make them feel bad if a teacher put a 'D' on their paper. That could scar a kid forever!

Seriously, though, schools need to find something better to do. Why not start banning four-letter words....like 'test'?