What Would You Do?

When people meet someone with a disability, they may not know how to react at first. Some aren't quite sure what to say to us, and others are sometimes overly helpful.

The TV show "What Would You Do?" presented a scenario where an actress posing as a wheelchair-bound customer is at the grocery store and another customer, also an actress, wants to be a little too helpful. She insists on helping the woman in the wheelchair gather up all her groceries. The TV camera watched the reactions of the other customers in the store.

Most of the other customers walked on by and didn't get involved. But others could see that the disabled woman was uncomfortable and told the over zealous helper to back off. Several customers told the helper that the woman in the wheelchair was quite capable of getting her own groceries. As one man aptly put it, "unless the woman asked for help, don't force it on her."

I always appreciate it when someone in the store asks if I need a hand. But I have had experiences where people want to be overly helpful, particularly when I'm loading my scooter in the truck. A lot of people will walk by and ask if I need help. Some people, though, don't ask before they try to help. They just grab on and say, "let me give you a hand."

TIP: Don't hold onto or grab someone's walker, wheelchair or scooter without asking first. It can really throw him off balance very easily. I have a certain way I have to do things and if someone takes hold of the lift, it can throw me off.

When I was walking more, I had people try to take my arm to help me up a curb or step. That's OK, but you still should ask first. Unexpected moves caused me to lose my balance. I'm not shy. If I need some help, I will ask, and most other disabled people will too.

Another situation I often face is people who don't know how to talk to me. When I'm at a restaurant with Mom, the waitress will usually look at her and ask what would "he" like to order. Hey, I'm right here. Just ask ME. Mom knows a lot of things, but she's not a mind reader. I can tell you what I want to order.

I understand why waitresses do that. They may be afraid they won't be able to understand me. But it's all right to ask me to repeat it. I'm used to it, so give me a chance.

TIP: If you still can't understand someone after asking him to repeat it, just tell him you're having trouble understanding him. I know some people have a harder time understanding me than others. Then I can get Mom or someone to interpret. But at least try to talk to me. I might surprise you.

I am blessed to have great friends and family who help me when I need it. And thank God for strangers who are willing to help, too. But remember, just because someone is disabled, it doesn't mean he needs help. We all want to be treated with courtesy and respect, so give people with disabilities the same courtesy that you would give anyone else. And we will thank you for it.