Angels Among Us

I believe in angels.  I'm not talking about the heavenly beings that float around on a cloud while playing the harp (although I believe they do exist).  I'm talking about everyday people who are used as messengers of God to help or encourage those in need.

I met one such angel during my three-month stay at Kirkland Court Rehabilitation Center.  That started out as a low point in my life.  I had just been through back surgery.  I was stuck in a wheelchair that I couldn't push by myself.   I could hardly move my right arm at all.

One morning I was sitting at the breakfast table while the aide fed me a bowl of Fruit Loops (one of the few things that still tasted good to me).  From the other end of the hall, I heard this really loud voice, someone singing "JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW...."

"Who is THAT?" I asked.  I quickly found out THAT was Kathleen, a spunky 93-year-old who loves the Lord and isn't shy about telling others about her savior.  The first thing she asked me was, "Do you know Jesus as your savior?"  She always wears a big cross around her neck and carried her Bible with her in her wheelchair.

Kathleen seemed to take an instant liking to me.  Actually, I think she felt a little sorry for me.  I was quite a sight.  I often sat by myself in the dining room.  I had lost 45 pounds, and I had to wear that awful neck-and-back brace.  Every morning, I'd hear her coming down the hall singing as loud as she could.  One morning, though, she was singing a different song.  It was, "HEY, GOOD LOOKIN'  WHAT'S YA GOT COOKIN'?"  It made me laugh, and Kathleen loves to make people laugh!

Kathleen always knew the right thing to say to cheer me up.  One night after I'd been there only a short time and was feeling pretty low, she came over to me and said, "This is a good place.  We're going to take good care of you!"  After that, she did her best to look out for me.  I think she was even a little jealous. If another woman tried to talk to me, she'd say, "He's mine!"

She could also be mischievous at times.  I remember one Saturday when I was having a really bad day.  My neck brace was so hot and uncomfortable.  I could hardly stand it.  Some of my family was there, and the nurse wheeled Kathleen into my room.  She came over and gave me a little kiss on the cheek, and we talked for a few minutes.  Then, the nurse turned to take her out.  When they got to the door, Kathleen suddenly turned around and hollered out, "CAN YOU STILL PERFORM?" 

So much for the sweet little old lady image!  As you can imagine, the whole room erupted in laughter.  My mom and sister as well as my aunt and cousin all were rolling in the floor laughing.  I'm convinced Kathleen did it for the shock value.  She knows how to work a crowd to get a laugh.  It sure brightened my day, and it turned a really bad day into a memory I'll certainly never forget.

God used Kathleen to show me that I can still be happy despite bad circumstances.  Any time I was sad or feeling low, I would think about Kathleen coming down the hall singing "Jesus Loves Me."  If this spry 93-year-old can be so cheerful and happy all the time, then I can too!

I went back to see Kathleen when I was in Amarillo recently.  I don't think she recognized at first, but I talked to her a few minutes and she remembered me.  She even gave me a kiss on the cheek before I left.  I still think about her often and how God used her to bring some light into my life during a very dark time.  For that, Kathleen will always be my special angel!

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

I often joke that living in a nursing home is like being at a resort.... the last resort!  It's probably safe to say that most people never expect to end up in a nursing home, and most of the residents don't want to be here.  I came here because I couldn't live by myself anymore.  When I fell in my apartment and couldn't reach the phone, I knew it was time.  Now, I get all the help I need, and I feel safe here. 

But along with the good comes the bad.  Nursing homes have plenty of both. 

Someone once told me nursing home care is a lot like herding cattle.  The aides have to rush around to get everyone up and dressed, prod them down to the dining room for breakfast, poke food and meds down everybody, then corral everyone back to their rooms.  The cycle is repeated at lunchtime and again at supper.  It sounds so impersonal, but that's the system.

Then, there's the heartwarming moments when you see a staff member walking hand-in-hand with one of the residents in the hall.  It takes a special kind of person to do this kind of work, and the nurses and aides are a caring, hard-working bunch.  They've become like a second family to me.  The aides each have their own nickname for me.  I'll answer to "Eli," "Elijah," "'Topher" (short for Christopher) and "Buttercup."   I have names for them, too, but I better not print them.
 
The biggest problem is there's not enough staff.  There's usually one nurse and two aides (if you're lucky) for each shift.  That means I sometimes have to wait 30 to 45 minutes for the aides to transfer me.  The aides do the best they can, but they're just spread too thin.

Things were pretty rough at first, but it has gotten better over time as I learn their routine, and they learn mine.  I've learned you have to pick your fights.  While I was in rehab, I was used to sleeping until 8 or 8:30.    When I came here, they insisted that I get up with everyone else.  They literally had to drag me out of bed at 6:30 a.m. for breakfast at 7.   Now, I enjoy getting up early.  Breakfast is usually the best meal of the day (How hard is it to mess up eggs and bacon?).  After breakfast, we sit around the tables while our activities director reads the newspaper to us, and we talk about the news of the day.  I'm glad they made me get up for breakfast.

But I stood my ground when they said I couldn't ride my scooter to church by myself.  I protested.  My old apartment is just down the street from the nursing home.  I've been riding my scooter to church for a long time, and I wasn't about to stop now!  I can see the church from the nursing home parking lot, so it's less than a mile.  I told them they could follow me if they wanted, but I WAS going to ride.  They finally agreed.  Now, I not only ride to church but I ride everywhere.  I enjoy my rides to the park or to a nearby shopping center.

All in all, I have the best of both worlds.  I have all the help I need, plus I have the freedom to still get out on my own to take a ride if I want.  I'm so blessed!  It may not be the ideal situation, but I'm thankful I have this place.  I'm happy.  I'm settled.  I'm home.

The Big Question 'Why'

I guess I've always dreaded getting old.  It's not the wrinkles, sags or male pattern baldness that I feared.  No, it's the progressive loss of physical abilities that I feared most. 

I was born with cerebral palsy, so my physical activities have always been limited, but I never realized that my condition would get progressively worse as I got older.  I never thought I'd stop walking in my 30s or that I'd be in a nursing home when I was 45.  Nobody warned me this would happen.

Growing up, I accepted my disability without a lot of questions.  Sure, I sometimes wondered 'Why me?'  But I just accepted it as my lot in life.  Even though I didn't understand it, I knew that God created me and that He must have a purpose for it.  My life verse became Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It wasn't until this latest physical attack on my body (spinal stenosis) in 2013 that I really began to have questions.  Why was this happening?  Hadn't I been through enough?  Why did God let this happen to me?  WHY, WHY, WHY?

It's a natural question to ask, but I felt bad for even questioning God.  I started thinking maybe this was my fault or that I didn't have enough faith to believe God could heal me.  I prayed for that healing many times, and I knew hundreds of people were praying for me through Facebook and church.

So why was nothing happening?  Even after my surgery in January 2014, I still wasn't getting any better.  I just didn't understand why.

A year later, I still don't have all the answers.  But through a series of events and by listening to some good teaching by my awesome pastors at Briarwood Church, I've finally begun to come to terms with my circumstances.

WALKING BY FAITH
Pastor Lynn taught a series on "Encountering God" and said this:  "If we understood everything, we wouldn't have to walk by faith."  That really stuck with me.  The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight."  If we understood everything that happens to us, we wouldn't need to trust God.  We would depend on ourselves instead of putting our complete trust in God.  Walking by faith means we may not understand everything in the here and now, but we know God's plan is always perfect and He will bring us through any trial.

I often have wondered if this condition was somehow my fault because of some sin in my life.  I thought maybe I brought this on myself.

In his part of the "Encountering God" series, Pastor Matt taught about the man born blind in John 9: "As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him."

Pastor Matt said some things happen to us in order to lead us (or to lead others) to an encounter with God.  I think that's true in my situation.  I have prayed more and sought God more in the last year than any other time in my life.  It led me to a new encounter with God.

I also think God has been able to use my situation to lead others to an encounter with Himself.  While I was in rehab in Amarillo, I had the chance to share my faith with several people through my book, Through Eyes of Faith.  Several people told me the book helped them get closer to God.  One nurse in particular bought the book for her mother and said it helped her mom and changed her life.  I met people while in rehab that I probably never would have met otherwise.  I like to believe that God was able to use the book to bring others to an encounter with Himself.  

A MYSTERY
I still wonder sometimes why I haven't been healed.  Even as a child, I believed and prayed that God would heal me, but He hasn't.  Why?  I've never understood why some people are healed instantly, and others aren't.

But in the "Encountering God" series, Pastor Lynn talked a lot about healing.  He gave the most honest answer I've ever heard for why some are healed and others aren't.  He said, "Beats me!!  I. Don't. Know. Why."  Most people, especially preachers, would never admit that.  Truth is, no one knows why.  Pastor Lynn said there is an "element of mystery" involved.  We may never know the full reason until we get to heaven.

The pastor said we should put our faith on God himself instead of pinning our hopes on a desired outcome.  God WILL answer our prayer, but it might not be in the way we expected. 

In another sermon, Pastor Lynn showed us that our plans aren't always God's plans, but God's plans are always best!!   He said, "We have a limited view.  We need to realize that our momentary judgment on the situation is colored by our own human limitations.  We cannot see what God can see.  He sees not only today, He sees tomorrow too.  He doesn't do things the way we think He will, but His plans are always best."

Those words helped me realize that God really does know what's best for me.  No matter what I go through in life, I just need to put my hopes and trust on God.  I am not alone.  He is for me.  He will never disappoint me.

I need to remember that the hard times are only temporary.  They won't last!  In 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, it says, "So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.  For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure,  because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal."

I want to learn to be like the apostle Paul when he said, "I’ve learned to be content in whatever situation I’m in."   That's hard to do sometimes, but in the end, we will achieve an eternal victory if we keep our trust in God.  I've come a long way, but I'm still learning to find that place of contentment.  In the meantime, I'm going to keep my trust in God.  He will see me through!